When most people think about marriage, particularly in the context of Christianity, they likely picture it as a commitment between two people, centered on love, respect, and faithfulness. You may think of biblical passages like 1 Corinthians 13 or Ephesians 5, which offer beautiful guidelines for love and mutual respect.
Unpacking the Marriage Instructions in Colossians 3
Let’s first look at what the Apostle Paul says about marriage in Colossians 3:18-19:
- Wives: “Submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.”
- Husbands: “Love your wives and do not be harsh with them.”
At first glance, these verses may seem fairly straightforward. They follow what many people might expect from traditional Christian teachings—wives should submit, and husbands should love. But as with many teachings in the Bible, the surface-level interpretation doesn’t always reveal the full depth of what’s being said. This is why Colossians 3, when examined closely, offers a surprising and compelling perspective on Christian marriage that might just turn your understanding on its head.
The Truth About Submission: It’s Not What You Think
The word “submit” is often a source of confusion and, in many cases, discomfort for modern readers. For many people, this term has been tied to patriarchal and outdated ideas of control, dominance, and gender inequality. It might seem like Paul is calling for a relationship where the wife is the lesser partner, expected to be passive or to simply “follow orders.” But that’s not the biblical picture Paul paints.
In fact, the submission Paul speaks of is based on voluntary respect rather than oppression. The Bible doesn’t promote submission as a sign of inferiority; instead, it speaks of it as a respectful partnership within a relationship. Just as the Church submits to Christ because of love, faith, and trust, wives are invited to submit to their husbands in a similar way—out of respect for the role that the husband plays within the family structure.
It’s important to highlight that this submission isn’t one-sided. There’s a crucial element of mutual trust involved. A wife can only submit to a husband she trusts, and the husband, as we will see, has a deeply significant responsibility in fostering that trust.
The Husband’s Role: Love, Not Dominance
While submission may seem like the more controversial or challenging part of this passage, the command to husbands in Colossians 3 is just as radical—if not more. Paul writes, “Love your wives and do not be harsh with them.” This is not just a call to show affection, but to practice sacrificial, selfless love—a love that mirrors Christ’s love for the Church.
In a culture where husbands were often the unquestioned authority figures in the household, Paul’s words would have been revolutionary. Husbands were not just seen as providers or leaders but were now tasked with loving their wives in a way that is humble, patient, and gentle. The idea of love here goes far beyond simple romantic affection. It’s a love that is sacrificial and selfless, placing the needs of the wife above the husband’s own desires.
Think about the depth of that command: Christ loved the Church so much that He gave Himself up for her. Similarly, husbands are to love their wives with that same kind of commitment, making their wives’ well-being a priority over their own.
What’s Radical About Christian Marriage in Colossians 3?
When you take the time to really examine these verses, one key truth becomes evident: Christian marriage is meant to be a relationship of mutual submission—both husband and wife are called to serve one another. It’s not about power dynamics or roles based on gender. Instead, it’s about each partner offering themselves selflessly in love and care for the other.
Wives submit to husbands out of respect, and husbands love their wives as Christ loved the Church—sacrificially and with tenderness. This creates a dynamic in which both partners play an equally important role in the relationship.
Marriage in this context is not about dominance or control. It’s about servanthood. And when both husband and wife are willing to serve one another, the marriage becomes a reflection of Christ’s love, which is the most powerful, radical love that exists.
Christ and the Church: The Ultimate Model for Marriage
One of the most striking aspects of Colossians 3 is the comparison between marriage and the relationship between Christ and the Church. Paul isn’t just giving relationship advice for a happy home—he’s pointing to something bigger. He’s showing us that Christian marriage should reflect the love that Christ has for His people.
- Christ’s love for the Church: Christ’s love is sacrificial, unconditional, and steadfast. He gave Himself for the Church, loving it despite its imperfections. He doesn’t demand respect or force submission. Instead, He leads by serving and sacrificing.
- The Church’s submission to Christ: The Church submits to Christ not out of fear, but out of love and trust in His goodness and leadership.
In a Christian marriage, this means that husbands are to love their wives in a way that mirrors Christ’s sacrificial love, while wives are to submit to their husbands out of love and trust, just as the Church submits to Christ. This mutual dynamic forms a perfect circle of love and respect.
To read more on the connection between Christ and the Church’s relationship with marriage, check out this article from Bible Gateway.
The Revolutionary Concept of Mutual Submission
One of the most surprising truths in Colossians 3 is that Christian marriage calls for mutual submission. The idea of mutual submission is often overlooked, but it’s key to understanding the heart of Christian marriage. Both partners—husbands and wives—are called to lay down their own desires and interests for the good of the other. It’s a relationship rooted not in dominance but in mutual service and respect.
This concept goes beyond traditional gender roles. The idea that both spouses submit to one another doesn’t diminish the value of either partner but elevates their relationship to something far greater. It’s about both spouses humbling themselves, working together as a team to love, honor, and cherish one another.
Why This Matters Today
The world we live in often misrepresents marriage, treating it as either a power struggle or a partnership built around competition. In many marriages, the idea of self-sacrifice and mutual love has been lost or replaced by a desire for personal fulfillment and independence.
But Colossians 3 reminds us that the Christian vision of marriage is radically different. It’s about love in its deepest, most selfless form. It’s about recognizing that marriage is not just about the two of you—it’s about honoring God and reflecting His love for the world.
If you’re married, these verses call you to a higher standard: a relationship built on sacrifice, love, and respect. It’s a relationship that mirrors Christ’s love for us, and that’s something worth striving for.
If you’re not married, Colossians 3 still offers valuable insight into what a healthy, Christ-centered relationship should look like. Understanding these principles can guide you in preparing for a future where love is not about getting what you want, but about giving your best to the one you love.
Conclusion: A Marriage Built on Christ’s Love
Colossians 3 unveils a marriage model that’s not about power, roles, or dominance. Instead, it’s about selfless love and mutual respect. By understanding these principles, we can build relationships that not only honor each other but also honor God. When both partners love and serve one another as Christ loved the Church, marriage becomes a living, breathing example of Christ’s love in action. And that might just be the most radical, transformative thing you can experience in your life.
